Numb

The winds of change are upon me . My Dad has been sick with Emphysema for about 10 years now. And now the final stages are kicking in . This is very hard and probably harder on me because I am an only child . The only way I can truly vent is here on my blog .It is too hard to talk about . yes , I have my husband but it is hard for him to talk about it too .

A couple of weeks ago Mom had to rush Dad to Tucson , V A hospital . He was having strange blood pressure readings . Very low and then spiking High . Breathing not good too . The Dr were afraid he had phenomena . ( Thank God he did not ) He stayed there for 4 days .

During all this my Mom is becoming someone I do not know . Very hateful and saying things that cut to the bone . I am sure it is the stress of everything but it still hurts.

Dad told me that at this point , he does not go to the hospital to get better but to help cope . He is ready to go . He is just waiting . They say that he could go at any time . But he does not want me to know that the Dr's have said this .

I know all are appointed a time to die but his is hard .Mainly the treatment from them . I will be glad when this is all over . I know that sounds bad but I am tried of seeing him go through this .
What does emphysema do ? Well , it is a slow suffocating death . You have no energy . It becomes hard to walk , talk , eat , go to the bathroom and bath . All takes too much energy . You end up on oxygen 24 / 7 and most of the time in bed . Most die from heart failure or coughing and chocking to death , then some go in their sleep . It is not a pretty thing . So , if you smoke .... think twice . Do you want to end up like this ? Not only is it hard on you but think of your family .